so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
