A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
