Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
