I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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