Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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