She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Randomize
