ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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