you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You don't make any sense
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