Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
