I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
