I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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