where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
