i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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