then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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