haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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