Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
