The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
