rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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