Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize