Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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