I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
