I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
