I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
