that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
