I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize