ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
