Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
