it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
