And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
