You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize