mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
