forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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