alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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