We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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