guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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