Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Randomize
