You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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