Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
