I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
