Kiss
Puke
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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