No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
