you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
