Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We named our party play list daddy issues
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
