I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
