I need help removing her.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I wish there were birth control emojis
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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