I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
