i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
