you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
