Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
