Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
