so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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