Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
