I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
