i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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