My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
