Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
