Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
