I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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