the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
