sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
