I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
