Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
