It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
