he shaved USA in his pubs
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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