weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
