dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
