these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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