she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
