I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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