Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
