Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
