I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
