u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
