I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
