Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
