wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
