Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Is Oprah even human
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
