he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
